The last seven years, new years eve has been a day where I draw inwards. A day where I take stock of what has been, where I am and what comes next. It’s not intentional, it just happens. It’s like an automatic reflex of some sort. And I don’t mind, it gives me a chance to gain some much-needed perspective in an otherwise autopiloted life. Because that’s what tends to become of my life. I think it tends to happen to most of us.
This year my blog has been one of the things on my mind, and I almost fell off my chair when I realized a couple of days ago that I haven’t posted anything since october 2016. So much for my high hopes and good intentions, huh?
Well, with even more good intentions I have today invested money in it and bought the domain. www.studioeela.com is now my own, and if it’s a waste of money or a proper investment is something I’ll have to take stock of during the next new years eve withdrawal. But it’s mine. Studio Eela is mine.
I have also realized that 2017 was a year of outwardly success, but inwardly it was a steady spiral down. I finally finished my general degree, and I don’t even have the words to describe what a relief that is.
I’m still working part-time, but I usually take extra shifts so I manage quite well. I really enjoy my job, and I have some wonderful colleagues. After two and a half years in the same store I now have foundation of relationship with the customers as well, and I’d rather not give that up. Believe it or not, no matter how much I might complain about the few bitchy and difficult ones, it’s the good ones that make everything worth it. And just seeing one of them enter lights up my whole day and makes it better. Trust me, the bad ones are worth the good ones.
I have on the other hand been dreaming my year away. Don’t get me wrong, I intend to keep dreaming, I refuse to give up on the things that I want in life. But failing to accept the fact that most of those dreams are things that take time, takes time away from me. I will get there, just not right now. And that’s okay.
In 2018 I want to be more in the moment, accept and enjoy the place where I am right now, because dreaming of what might be isn’t going to make it come true faster. I wanna be better at focusing on what I can do now, and what I can fix now. The waiting will most definitely become more enjoyable, and time will pass just as quickly, but it will be my time. Not just something that swoops by when I’m not looking.
I don’t know what kind of effect it’ll have on my creativity, my writing or my motivation, but I do believe that it will make for a more pleasant year to come. Accepting that things are as they are, even if they’re not what you wanted or expected, and accepting that you’re not quite sure when or how you’ll get where you want to go, will in any way ease the mind and shake off some of the stress. Who knows? Maybe I’ll see more beauty and get some nice surprises if I stop wearing my foggy dreamer’s glasses?
I any case, I want to wish you all a magical new year filled with wonderful events and delightful surprises. May 2018 be your best year so far, and may you have peace of mind and a heart full of love and joy.
Keep on loving ’til there’s nothing more to live for.